Reading Hard Scripture, Out Loud, With My Dad (Deuteronomy 22)
This week’s Sex & Scripture Saturday looked a little different — mostly because I wasn’t alone. My dad, David Scott, ended up joining me after I pulled him in with about five minutes’ notice. So instead of just my internal monologue, you got a father–daughter conversation, two perspectives, and a whole lot of honest questioning out loud.
And of all the chapters for him to join on… of course it was Deuteronomy 22 — one of the heaviest and most complicated sections we’ve read so far.
We read the whole chapter together, then sat with whatever bubbled up — confusion, discomfort, curiosity, and the big, lingering questions neither of us pretended to have answers for.
The Crossdressing Verse (Deut. 22:5) — and Why It Hit Us Both
It didn’t take long for verse 5 to spark conversation:
“A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak…”
I’d looked at this the week before and already felt the weight of how this verse is used today — especially against trans and nonbinary people. My dad’s perspective brought another layer: the assumptions people make from appearances, and how much we project onto clothing.
We both landed here:
Regardless of how someone interprets that verse,
how we treat people still has to look like Christ.
If your interpretation leads you to shame, belittle, mistreat, or dehumanize someone — especially someone already vulnerable — then something has gone wrong, no matter how “biblical” you think you’re being.
Virginity, Body Proofs, and the Uneven Weight Placed on Women
We moved into the section about proving virginity and immediately felt the heaviness. I shared how I struggled with this last week — the idea that God gave a law tied to a physical “proof” that was never reliable in the first place.
My dad brought up modern versions of the same thing: hymen reconstruction surgeries done so women can “return home” appearing to be virgins in arranged marriages. That opened up questions about:
honesty
consent
deceit
ethics for doctors
the double standard for men vs. women
My biggest ache?
The value placed on women’s virginity in Scripture and history — compared to the silence around men’s.
And the painful reality that these ideas have shaped purity culture, shame, and how many of us grew up viewing our bodies.
The Rape Laws — and the Emotional Weight of Reading Them
Then we hit the rape passages.
And I felt myself tighten up.
The rules about who cries out, where a person is assaulted, whether someone could “have” asked for help… it was hard to read without imagining how survivors today would feel hearing this.
My dad, who works in social services, immediately connected it to real life:
People always ask, Why would God allow this?
Or, Did God plan this?
We both wrestled with the idea of free will — how someone else’s choices can harm you deeply, even though you never chose it. It’s not clean. It’s not easy. And reading ancient laws about assault, punishment, and responsibility only complicated the emotions sitting between us.
A Conversation About Sex Before Marriage
Somewhere along the way, the conversation widened — into purity culture, “righteous sex,” whether marriage automatically makes sex holy, and how consent still matters even within marriage.
My dad had a moment where the idea of marital rape clicked for him in a new way — that “we’re married” doesn’t erase the need for consent. That was powerful to witness as a daughter, especially in a father–daughter discussion about sexuality and Scripture.
Pastors, Interpretation, and Why We Need Our Own Questions
We also touched on how people rely on pastors or church leaders to interpret difficult passages for them. And how dangerous that can be if you never ask questions yourself.
I shared something I deeply believe:
A pastor’s interpretation is not the same as God’s voice.
And Scripture is meant to be wrestled with — not swallowed whole.
This entire series exists because I couldn’t find a resource that walked through every verse about sex, context and all. So I’m doing the messy, imperfect work myself — out loud, publicly, and with whoever wants to come along for the ride.
The Gift of Having My Dad Beside Me
One of the unexpected blessings of this week was having my dad there. Hearing a male perspective. Hearing a father’s heart. Watching him process, question, and have lightbulb moments of his own.
It reminded me:
Two people can read the same verse
and see completely different angles —
and both can be valid.
That’s the beauty of bringing our whole selves to Scripture.
Closing Thoughts
Deuteronomy 22 wasn’t easy.
Some parts hurt.
Some parts made us ask bigger questions.
Some parts opened doors to conversations we’d never had.
But that’s the point.
This isn’t a polished Bible study.
It’s a human one.
A father and daughter sitting with a complicated text, sorting through faith, culture, ethics, trauma, and love — one verse at a time.
If you want to watch the live conversation, you can find it here:
👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQcMSrZ5r-s
See you next time.