“What Scripture Means When It Says ‘He Knew His Wife’ ”

This week’s passage surprised me—not because of Cain and Abel’s story (though that’s wild enough), but because of one repeated little phrase tucked quietly into Genesis 4:

“And he knew his wife.”

I’ve read that line before. I’ve heard pastors reference it. But reading it out loud, slowly, with my body engaged and my heart open, something different landed.

The Hebrew word used for knew is yada—a word that doesn’t just mean “to have sex,” but:

to know deeply,
to understand,
to be acquainted with,
to be familiar with in a way that forms relationship.

And suddenly I felt this tenderness rise in my chest:

Scripture doesn’t describe sex as an act.
It describes sex as knowing.

Not performing.
Not proving.
Not giving access to your body while keeping the rest of you hidden.

But knowing — the way God knows us.

Psalm 139 says:

“You have searched me and known me.”

God knows when we rise and when we rest.
He knows our thoughts before we speak them.
He knows every hair, every pattern, every fear, every contradiction.
He knows the parts of us we never want anyone else to see.

And He stays.

That’s the kind of intimacy sexual union was meant to reflect—not a transaction, not a release, but a sacred knowing.

And this stirred something personal in me.

Because I’ve lived with such a strong desire to be chosen, to be known, to be deeply seen by another human here on earth. So strong that years ago, I tied my sense of worth to marriage in ways that felt like life or death.

But God has been gently, slowly reminding me:

“You are already known.”

Known more deeply than any spouse, partner, or friend could ever manage.

So if sex is meant to be “knowing,” then it raises questions that deserve gentleness:

Who do we trust with that level of access?
Who do we allow to know our bodies, our hearts, our patterns, our vulnerabilities?
And what does it mean to choose someone with the intention of knowing them just as deeply?

These weren’t answers I expected to find in Genesis 4.
But Scripture has a way of reading us while we’re reading it.

If you want to watch the full reflection, you can find it here:
👉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3HLKKds8so

Wherever this meets you, I hope it gives you permission to desire deep, honest, sacred knowing—and to trust that you are already known by God more completely than you could ever imagine.