A Council, a Question, and a Whole Lot of ‘I Don’t Know’
Before we get into scripture, I just want to share a little personal note—because honestly, these moments always end up shaping how I read what we’re about to read.
Showing Up Anyway
So today, I did something I’ve never done before.
I went back to the church that asked me to leave.
And not in a chaotic way. Not in a confrontational way. Just… peacefully. With friends. Sat down. Worshipped. Listened. Left.
But internally? It felt like a full-circle moment.
For context, I was asked to leave that church after what started as… a hug. A hug with someone I had known previously. And from that point, I was essentially labeled as a threat. A potential temptation. Something to be removed.
Everything happened quietly. Behind closed doors. Without real conversation. And it left me feeling… not human.
So today wasn’t about revenge.
It was about presence.
Like: I exist. I’m a real person. You don’t get to reduce me to a narrative in your head.
And honestly? They felt it.
You could see it. The discomfort. The scrambling. The “oh… she’s actually here.”
And I didn’t do anything except sit there.
But for me, it was healing.
Because I realized something really important:
I actually have more power in how I respond than in anything they feared I would do.
And right now, I’m choosing not to weaponize that.
I’m choosing to trust that God handles justice better than I ever could.
And I think… I can finally let it go.
Getting Into the Scripture: Acts 15
Okay. So now that that’s what I’m sitting with emotionally, let’s get into today’s passage.
We are in the Acts of the Apostles, chapter 15.
This is happening after Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. The early church is forming. And they’re trying to answer a massive question:
What actually matters now?
Specifically:
Do Gentiles (aka non-Jewish people) have to follow all the old Jewish laws to follow Jesus?
And the big debate in this chapter centers around one very specific thing:
Circumcision.
Which… of all things… is kind of wild.
The Core Tension
So here’s what’s happening:
Some people are saying:
“If you want to follow God, you need to follow the Law of Moses—including circumcision.”
Others—like Paul and Peter—are like:
“No. That’s not what Jesus taught. That’s not the point anymore.”
And eventually, the leaders come to this conclusion:
Gentiles don’t need to follow all the laws.
BUT.
They do still need to avoid a few things, including:
Idolatry
Consuming blood
And… sexual immorality
And that’s where my brain goes:
Wait. Why that one?
Why does circumcision get dropped…
but sexual ethics stay?
My Brain Starts Spiraling (Respectfully)
Because here’s the thing.
Circumcision was literally commanded by God in the Old Testament. Like—very clearly. It was part of the covenant.
So how does something that was once required suddenly become… optional?
But then sexual morality—which is also part of Old Testament law—sticks around?
Like… what is the criteria here?
And this is where things start to get a little theological.
The Big Framework (That Kind of Helps… But Also Doesn’t Fully)
One of the main ways Christians explain this is by dividing Old Testament laws into categories:
1. Moral Laws
Things like:
Don’t murder
Don’t commit adultery
Don’t steal
These are considered timeless.
2. Ceremonial Laws
Things like:
Circumcision
Dietary restrictions
Sacrifices
These were tied to Jewish identity and worship—and are said to be “fulfilled” in Jesus.
3. Civil Laws
Things specific to ancient Israel’s society.
So under this framework:
Circumcision = ceremonial → no longer required
Sexual ethics = moral → still relevant
And I’m like…
Okay. That makes sense on paper.
But also…
Who decided that?
Because the Bible itself doesn’t neatly label things that way.
Another Layer: Identity vs. Transformation
Something that actually did click for me was this idea:
Circumcision was a marker of identity.
Like: This is how you know someone belongs to God’s people.
But in the New Testament, that identity marker shifts.
Instead of something external…
It becomes something internal.
There’s even language about a “circumcision of the heart”—which is basically about inner transformation rather than physical proof.
And I actually love that.
Because it moves from:
“Can I see it?”
to
“Is it real?”
But Then… Back to My Question
Even with all of that…
I still land in the same place:
How do we actually know what applies and what doesn’t?
Because different people answer that question differently.
Some say: follow what Jesus directly reaffirmed
Some say: follow what reflects “creation order”
Some say: it was all contextual and culturally decided
And suddenly we’re back in the place of…
Multiple interpretations. Again.
And This Is Where I Get Honest
This is the part where I wish I could tie everything up in a nice, clear conclusion.
But if I’m being real?
This is one of those days where I just… don’t have one.
Because the more I dig into this, the more I realize:
People have been debating this for thousands of years.
And they’re still debating it.
Which leads me to the question that’s been sitting under all of this:
How am I actually supposed to live?
The Only Thing I Have Right Now
The only thing that’s been even somewhat grounding for me is this idea of discernment.
Not certainty.
Not perfect answers.
But a way to feel through decisions.
So lately, I’ve been asking myself things like:
Does this feel aligned with love?
Does this create freedom or fear?
Does this reflect the heart of Jesus?
Do I feel invited… or condemned?
And even that isn’t perfect.
But it’s… something.
Ending Where I Actually Am
If I’m being completely honest, this wasn’t a “clean” study.
This wasn’t like:
“Here’s the verse, here’s the meaning, here’s the takeaway.”
This was more like:
“Here’s the verse… and here’s 40 minutes of me trying to understand it and not fully landing anywhere.”
And I think that’s real.
I think that’s what this process actually looks like sometimes.
Not clarity.
But wrestling.
A Prayer (Because That’s All I’ve Got)
God,
I don’t understand a lot of this.
I don’t understand why something can feel so important
and still be so unclear.
I don’t understand how people can read the same words
and walk away with completely different truths.
But I do know that I want to love you well.
And I want to love people well.
So wherever I get it wrong—
give me the humility to see it.
Wherever I’m confused—
give me peace in the middle of it.
And wherever you are speaking—
help me actually recognize your voice.
Because I have a lot of questions.
You know that.
I’ve been adding them to the filing cabinet for years.
So… I trust you’ve got them.
Amen.
Alright.
This one was a little chaotic. A little all over the place.
But also… very real.
So if you’re on this questioning, wrestling, slightly confused journey with me—
Welcome. You’re not alone.
And I’ll see you next time 🤍
Watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9fqkGaLWvI